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[icon] So, am I one of the big kids yet? - So, yeah...it's like that...
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Subject:So, am I one of the big kids yet?
Time:06:14 pm
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative

...I really suck. Bad.  I didn't really realize this until I looked over my journal and realized how little I post on here.  I aplogize from the bottom of my black little heart for being crappy.

Alright, now that my self-flagellation is out of they way, I'm going to make up some news.  No, wait, I mean...tell you about my life.  Yeah, that's the ticket...

Katie = busy

Things just seem to hit all at once, you know?  I hate that.  I feel like I've been running a lot lately, which I guess is true.  School is good, I still like all my profs and classes, but there's still a lot to do.  Or maybe it just feels that way...I dunno.  Anywho, now that I can stop worrying about getting accepted or paying for grad school, you'd think I could relax and enjoy my last bit of undergrad.  Welll...not really.  I mean, I'm enjoying it about like I always do, but not the way everyone else seems to feel right before they graduate.  This is the heaviest load I've ever had to take, which kinda (really) sucks.  Plus work stuff.  Ugh.

See, one of the things that really gets me is that everyone else who's finishing this May is thrilled!  They're all dancing around, being happy, all that stuff.  Me?  Yeah, I'm excited, it's pretty damn cool that I'll have my first real degree, but I know I'm not done with school, and that takes some of the giddiness out of it.  It's not like graduating high school, when the world is a big adventure and you'll get to move out and all that newfound freedom stuff.  Nah, this is graduating into a lot more responsibility.  I'm just nervous about it, you know?  I think everyone is really secretly nervous about graduating from college, though.  Whether you're doing grad school or getting a job, it's (for a lot of us) the first time to really be on our own.  Scary, no matter how long you've been waiting for it. 

I don't think my nerves about grad school are unusual.  I'm sure I'll be fine, but it's still scary to go into such a big shift.  For me, it's going from classes and observations into clinic--I won't be learning about clients and treatment, or even just watching.  I'm going to be in a little room with someone with a communication disorder.  No matter how many therapy sessions you watch, that's still intimidating.  Hoooboy.

I'll be fine, though.  I know I will.  I always get scared as heck before a big change, but I always do it, and it turns out fine every time.  It's just fear of the unknown.  I always want to try new things, but I hate going into something if I don't know exactly what I'm doing.  Honestly, one of my biggest fears in starting college (up at UMW) was that I didn't know how to get around campus or around Fred-burg.  Well, I figured that out fine.  Just like everything else.

I know it's just intimidating and once I get there it won't be a problem.  I've just got to get there, get through that first terrifying session, and then I know I'll get over the nerves.

I'm starting a new chapter in my life pretty soon here.  Marriage, grad school...it's like I'm a real adult, you know?  And that's cool, don't get me wrong!  It's just weird.  How can I be an adult?  Well, I guess I'll find out, right?  I just look around me, and I feel like everyone looks so much older!  (yes, I know that's a weird thing to be hung up on, but...)  I know I'm older than a lot of them, I'm graduating, getting hitched, all that.  But still...I look at the grad students in the clinic, and it's like your first day of school.  You walk in the front door of the elementary school, and there's all these HUGE, OLD 5th graders!  And you think to yourself "wow!  I'll never be like that!"

And then one day you wake up, and you realize that you are.

I finished 5th grade a long time ago, but I've never been able to shake that feeling. 

Someday, if I try real hard, maybe I'll feel like I'm the one in 5th grade.

{end of transmission}

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sambumbia
Link:(Link)
Time:2005-03-24 06:35 am (UTC)
yes. life is scary.


the end.

p.s. remember the guy with the septum piercing that you always thought would be a lot more attractive without it? haha, i remember these things.

yeah...


welll...


i'm dating him:-) though you should know the news right a/b now.
(Reply) (Thread)


fatesclotho
Subject:*L*
Link:(Link)
Time:2005-03-24 04:28 pm (UTC)
For some reason, that makes me laugh, which makes me feel like an asshole. I'm not laughing at your choice of (date? boyfriend? special man? stalker? ok, so hopefully not that last one.) whatever you call him. I'm not up on the new dating terminology.

Anyway, I hope he's a nice guy. I'm not saying that he isn't (don't take it that way!!!) I've just never said a word to him, so I'm no judge. But I do clearly remember the guy with the peircing. He's attractive with it or without, but personally, it's not really my fetish. Crap! I'm not saying you have a fetish! Awwww pickleshoes.

Ok, so sorry if this reply came out sounding all wrong. I don't know if it did, but lately I've been convinced that every time I say something nice to someone it comes out horribly mean and terrible. Ergo the explanations.

Nonetheless, congrats, and tell septum-pierced-guy I said hello, and that he's a lucky guy. :) Take care, sweetpea, I'll talk to you soon.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

tarotchick
Subject:feeling grown up
Link:(Link)
Time:2005-03-25 12:59 am (UTC)
I don't think I'll ever feel grownup. Sometimes David and I decide to be bad and eat doughnuts for dinner. I keep expecting some grownup to come and tell us to pull it together and eat some broccoli. Sometimes I watch Killy playing at 10pm and think, "Wouldn't a real grownup insist on a formal bedtime of, like, 7pm for a baby?"

Of course, the fact that every time a traveling salesman comes to our door he asks to speak to our parents doesn't help. (I'm not kidding! That's happened twice to David and once to me since we bought this house!)
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[icon] So, am I one of the big kids yet? - So, yeah...it's like that...
View:Recent Entries.
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